Re-frame the past to suit-aug2024
GoCoachYourself - Empowering you to know you.
“The story we hold of ourselves is continually evolving and changing based on the experiences we are having. The facts about your past can't change. But the story you tell yourself about them absolutely can change.”
Benjamin Harvey, 2019
As a human who has embraced a life of constant transforming, evolving and personal development (almost to a point of growth burn-out…) one of my many challenges has been how to accept and even embrace my past decisions. It is easy to label a memory as a regret and allow this to be a burden on your shoulder as you move through your day. It is difficult to wonder what the potential alternative story could be, and that it could be believable.
I remember gathering knowledge from my sister about my memory of our father. I was curious to hear her perspective, her narrative of this particular story. It was so different to mine I was dumbfounded. But this opened up my mind to the potential of reframing other stories from my past.
Our past is intrinsically linked holistically to our present and future. Our perspective of our past directly affects our daily thoughts, emotions and actions. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy in that what we believe about our past means something about us and so we live to that belief, struggling to understand why we can’t change and why our future looks bleak. If we change our past narrative to a positive perspective (that we truly believe) then we can live in the present with a more positive outlook about ourselves and our world, leading to better emotions and behaviours that drive us forward into the future we desire.
I separated from my husband five years ago. To this day I still wonder if the decisions I made during that separation period were the best decisions for me. And I will never know because I cannot rewind time and do it all over again. All I have control over is how I frame those decisions I made because I know to my core that there is no point allowing regret to rule my life. I intentionally choose to believe in all of the wonderful results and opportunities that have arisen from those decisions. They are there, and I choose to see them.
Our brain only focuses on what the brain focuses on and it is up to you to tell your brain what to focus on.
Be curious and ask yourself what is a different way to view this past experience? How is your current story affecting you and how could changing it benefit your present and future?
IG post on Windmill or Windbreak?
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